Saturday, December 02, 2006

Post Hosp Day Thirteen Summary: Frustration, Depression, Anger, Alone

Well I guess that all good things must eventually come to an end, and in my case, it was probably too good to be true. Leading up to and after my operation, I can honestly say that I have been able to remain positive about the entire experience. But this morning I wake up and I'm hit by a tidal wave of emotion all at once. It's the deadly combination: frustration, depression, anger, alone (FDAA). All of my information booklets warn against these emotions, and i've pretty much ignored them all because I haven't really felt any of them, but today they seem to have finally caught me!

I'm angry and frustrated at not being able to do the things that I would normally take for granted, and for missing out on events that I would love to have attended. Being treated like i'm disabled in some way is also really starting to annoy me, and today i've found myself very snappy and angry over the smallest things. The natural order is for these to lead to depression, and i'm feeling rather depressed about myself today. Despite the support that i'm receiving, all of these feelings are making me feel very cold and alone. It's not a pleasant feeling. Talking to someone might help, but I doubt i'd be able to explain all of these emotions to anyone anyway. Interestingly, blogging seems to help (I wonder if the Australian Health System will support blogging as an alternative medication for FDAA??). I think it's time for some time alone, so that I can sort myself out. I'm sure i'll be able to kick out the FDAA soon, so i'll talk to you all again in a few days......

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